just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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