ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
