Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
