I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
