Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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