i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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