I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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