They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
