Got a toothbrush?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
