I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
