Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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