It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
