Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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