DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
