There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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