I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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