I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
