Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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