We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
