she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
