I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
