i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
