You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
