Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
