I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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