I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
