My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize