Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I could make wine with my vomit
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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