Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
