I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
