I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
