If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
