I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
