It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize