Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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