I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
