I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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