Porn is love you can see.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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