in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
