So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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