i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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