my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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