Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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