Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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