You made me cry and you don't even care
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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