Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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