I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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