he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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