you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
