Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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