i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
