i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize