Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i barfeds in our rink
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
