great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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