drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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