so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my fart just growled at me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
