i was born a porn star she said
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
