my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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