i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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