I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
