so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
