i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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