How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
