you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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