wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
