DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
