the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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