Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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