i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ketchup is God's man juice
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
