New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
