Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
