If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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