You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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