We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
