DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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