Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
