I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
