I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What a dumb baby whore.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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