I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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