matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
50% drunk capacity currently
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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