Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love having hate sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
