There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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