I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize