His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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