I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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