I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
