Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize