Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
