apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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