last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
