Four minutes until I can fart!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
