All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
