Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
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