she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
