Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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