you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
