New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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