so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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