whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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