You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
