The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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