Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
