Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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