If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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