Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
